I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize