i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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