If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
