I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
