Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
