my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
