my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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