I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
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Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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