I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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