If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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