I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
