At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
