I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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