Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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