Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
