who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
how does that bad decision feel?
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