All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
