Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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