and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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