Can Purell be used as lube?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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