You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
