when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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