I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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