i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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