The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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