Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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