Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
