When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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