I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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