Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
