No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
