she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
