i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
