he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
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She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
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She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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