I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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