Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
