I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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