That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
