It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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