my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
