We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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