am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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