i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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