I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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