I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
