I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
