to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
