he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
