dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
