shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
