If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize