He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
