Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Randomize
