Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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