Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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