no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
