just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
