Cold hands, warm shart.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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