Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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