No stitches, just platelets and will power
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
