Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Im part way to drunk.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
