We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
