Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
