hotel room ftw
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
