yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
