worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
